Ask Ms. Uduak – People Can be Ruthless, How to Handle Criticisms

People can be ruthless! Brutal. You put ALL of your heart into your music, hustle real hard. You’ve been working on minimal sleep. The final product is out. Not Just Ok, Bella Naija published your song. You are waiting for praises and what happens? You get “blastascattered.” They tear you down “patapata.” No mercy. Some say you can’t sing. Others say “no identity rara.” Still more say “e dey copy TI, Lil’ Wayne, Jay-Z, Zara ati gbogbo e.” “u no fit connect with Naija people. He is too elite.”

You hear these things and thinks, “Jesus, Nigerians MAN! They can be RUTHLESS.” You go into a funk. You are just straight DEpressed! Before you get more worked up than you already are, settle down. It is the nature of the job. When you put yourself in the public eye, expect to be criticized. How you handle criticisms becomes very important.

1. You have the RIGHT to REJECT criticism, so use it: You should be an absolutely fierce protector of who you receive criticisms from. There are people who mean well and those who do not. Do not make yourself psychologically vulnerable to those with ill intent. Those who do not mean well will generally hurl personal attacks at you rather than focus on your work. For example, in response to your song, you may read a comment like, “ignoramus fool. Abeg gerrout jare! he can’t sing. Who dash monkey banana sef?” Needless to say, that is clearly personal and has nothing to do with the substance of your work. Take a line from one of Jay-Z’s hit songs and “you better get that dirt off your shoulder.” The well intentioned will always justify the basis of their criticisms. Even then, sometimes the well intentioned might provide constructive criticisms but in an overly aggressive manner. Separate the two. Focus on the criticism and move on.

2. Don’t be a people pleaser: People pleasing in the entertainment business is a sure way to kill your career. You cannot please everyone. It is critical, therefore, that you have your own STRONG core. Validate yourself. Don’t wait for others to validate your work. Be careful as you do this not to confuse it with ego. A step in the right direction to develop a strong core is to know the answers to these questions: what drives you? Why do you make music? What are your value systems? Answering these questions will make you stand firm and not be so needy or dependent on people’s acceptance of your work.

3. Think before you react to Criticisms: No one likes to be criticized. Naturally, we get defensive and want to lash back or depending on the personality, shut down. It is important not to react quickly. If you receive criticisms, take a chill pill and revisit the issue later when you are calm and can get a sense of where the criticisms are coming from.

4. Don’t sit on it: There is a tendency to want to take the criticism we hear, dwell on it, analyze and over analyze it. DON’T. Focus on the actual criticism, take it for what it is, learn from it if there is something sto learn from and then be about the business of making even better music. Be mature about it and avoid discussing it with everyone, that includes putting it up on your facebook status and so forth.

5. Balance is key: If you are one of those who loves to receive only praises but simply can’t handle any criticisms even constructive ones, then you need to learn the art of balance. Revisit point #2. Learn more about yourself and invest in personal growth so you can learn how to take both praises and criticisms

Ms. Uduak Oduok is the President & CEO of Ladybrille Media Group, Inc. She is also an attorney, fashion model and journalist. She has over seventeen years combined experience in the fashion and entertainment industries and will be answering your NOT JUST OK basic Business of Music Questions. Have a question for Ms. Uduak? Send an email to uduak@ladybrille.com with the subject heading “Not Just Ok Music Question.”